“I’m from Scotland, and I love it when tourists imitate my accent in Edinburgh.” It’s quite amusing and unique. I really wish they’d wear a ginger wig while doing it. Also, play the bagpipes.”
That’s probably not something you’ll hear when in Scotland.
Because no one is going to say it.
But that’s not the only verbal cliche spouted endlessly by visitors who believe they’re the first to discover their absolutely unoriginal insight – there are plenty more. Here are 18 more things you should never say to a Scot…
“The Loch Ness Monster Doesn’t Exist”
We all know it doesn’t, yet for reasons I’m not sure of, some Scots believe there’s a giant dumb monster lurking in the murky depths of Loch Ness.
The entire concept is incomprehensible and odd, but it is a source of national pride for many Scots. So leave it alone.
I’ve tried many times to debate this. I’ve always regretted it, so don’t make the same idiotic mistake I did. Everyone will be happier if you believe there’s some odd dinosaur thing living in a loch in the middle of the country.
“Scotland is My Favorite Part of England”
While we’re on the subject, Scottish people despise comparisons between Scotland and England. Unless you claim that Scotland is superior in every aspect, in which case they would be intrigued.
England and Scotland have a friendly but often bitter rivalry, and Scottish people dislike being mistaken for English people. Or that their country is mistaken for England. Or they dislike having their towns compared to English cities. Or… you get the picture.
“How Do You Feel About Scottish Independence?”
As you might have surmised from the preceding, discussing Scottish-English politics is not a good idea. And that includes Scottish independence, especially given the UK’s recent (and idiotic) decision to quit the EU.
“What’s your favorite soccer team?”
First and foremost, it’s ‘football’.
It’s also a well-known source of contention. When it comes to 22 men they don’t know kicking a ball across a field, people in both Scotland and England can be extremely partisan. When it passes the white line between the two white sticks, it’s at its best.
“You Guys Talk Funny.” “What’s all the fuss about?”
As I have stated, this is not a novel insight.
Nobody cares.
In all seriousness, you’ll probably fall in love with the Scottish accent once you’ve gotten used to it. It has one of the most endearing dialects on the planet. It has its own rhythm, and every sentence is lavishly studded with a massive and entertaining database of weird colloquialisms.
It’s part of the appeal to be unable to explain it.
“Freeeeeeeedooooom”
Everyone has watched the film Braveheart. But your poor imitation of Mel Gibson’s poor imitation of Scottish people will make no one laugh.
You’ll be disappointed if you anticipate everyone in Scotland to wander around with Scottish flags painted on their faces.
There aren’t many Scottish folks with painted faces. Mel Gibson will also not be present. Unless he’s on vacation while you’re there, which would be really great.
“How Come You’re Ginger?” What’s the deal with everyone being ginger? Is that you, Ron Weasley?”
In Scotland, many people are ginger. Scotland is the world’s second most ginger country, after Ireland.
It has something to do with Vitamin D, as ginger-haired people absorb Vitamin D more easily, which is a very useful trait in a country that suffers from a glaringly obvious lack of sunlight.
However, if you ask somebody in Scotland this question, you will not receive an answer linked to Vitamin D. You’re more likely to get a punch instead.
If you’re in Scotland in January, International Kiss a Ginger Day is a day to appreciate all the red hair and pale skin. Just make sure you have permission for all of the kissing first.
“What is this strange money you have?” Do you not use the same currency as England? Is this a scene from MONOPOLY? “I got you!”
Scottish pound sterling is actual money. It is the same currency as in England, however it has a distinctive appearance.
time and time again, Scottish people are told by amusing foreigners that their money isn’t genuine money. That was amusing 10 million years ago, but it’s now a stale cliche.
Strangely, stores in England frequently refuse to accept Scottish currency, which irritates many Scots.
“Nice Skirt, Bro”
Kilts aren’t the same as skirts. However, if you compare them, you will not be the only one to find the tiny parallels.
Kilts are of Gaelic origin, and they resemble skirts. However, don’t tell anyone.
“What are you wearing underneath your kilt?”
Whoever you ask is most likely wearing underpants. Not everyone in Scotland walks around with their genitals exposed.
“I’m Scottish as well!” “Wow, We’re Almost Brothers!”
Having a great-great-grandfather who was one-third Scottish does not make you Scottish (for further information, go here).
Stop faking it.
For whatever reason, many people from all over the world (primarily the United States) enjoy dressing up as faraway Scottish nationals. Be not one of them.
“Have you heard that Glasgow is the most dangerous city in the entire world?” is It? Will I perish there? Is it possible that I will be murdered? Is it possible that I’m being a little dramatic?”
No, Glasgow is not a ghettoized slum city.
It may have been frightening 50 years ago, but it is today incredible. It features some of the top cultural sights in the entire UK, an unrivaled music culture, and is an excellent starting place for exploring the Scottish Highlands.
Glasgow is a lot friendlier, more approachable, and hospitable than it used to be.
“Why is Haggis so disgusting, You Weirdo?”
Haggis is delicious. It’s made of strange ingredients, but it’s delicious. Never before have mashed up organs (wrapped in a sheep’s gut) tasted so good.
Yes, I understand – it’s a bizarre national food. But don’t be put off by the horror stories. You’ll be mailing endless kilos of the stuff back home after just one taste.
“Are you from a Scottish island?” Do You Know What the Internet Is? Do You Possess a Cell Phone? Are You Engaged to Your Cousin? Hahahaha.”
The Scottish islands are not far from civilization. They’re pretty much the same as the rest of the globe.
There’s this strange popular notion that Scottish islands are basic throwbacks to a time when everyone rode their horses to work, had no teeth, and never traveled more than 5 miles from their own home.
It’s amusing, but it’s not accurate.
The islands of Scotland are spectacular, and you should make an effort to visit some of them. They provide some of the world’s most desolate, lonely, and intriguing settings.
“Is this the Wicker Man’s Summerisle?” “Are you going to kill me by burning?”
No, the Scottish islands aren’t overrun with bizarre cults. They’re packed with folks doing food shopping. Also, go to the movies. And, like you, I read stuff on the internet.
The Scottish islands are ordinary places to live. Stornoway, the capital of Lewis and Harris Island, is shown here.
“Do you drink alcohol EVERY SINGLE DAY?”
People in Scotland (as well as England and Ireland) enjoy a lot of booze. It’s a peculiar cultural phenomenon.
In Scotland, pubs are similar to churches.
Everyone heads to the pub to celebrate a birthday. If someone has recently died, everyone in the pub expresses their condolences. Everyone goes to the pub once someone has given birth.
Even the baby, but only a soft drink (for the time being).
British pubs are a unique species. You haven’t been to a true pub unless you’ve visited one in the United Kingdom or Ireland. But after you’ve been in one, you’ll understand why there are so many. And why they are so popular.
They’re usually endearingly old school, and the decor is warm, welcoming, and homey.
“Och, Aye the Noo”
The typical Scottish phrase, which many outsiders (including English) seem to enjoy repeating.
If you’re curious, it means ‘oh yes, right now,’ but don’t believe what the TV says; you won’t hear this every five minutes while in Scotland.
You’re unlikely to hear it even once.
“I Love Midges So Much”
You won’t have to be concerned about not saying it since you won’t love them.
The most irritating thing in the world; you haven’t had a bad day until you’ve spent a day with Scotland’s midges.
Midges, despite their little size, can actually ruin your trip to Scotland if you don’t take the proper precautions to keep them at bay.
That’s why I’ve put up a comprehensive guide about Midges in Scotland so you can truly enjoy your visit.
